It was ten years ago, when I first stumbled onto the song "In the Bleak Midwinter." The words instantly resonated with me and I composed a simple arrangement of my own on the piano. I hadn't sat down at my piano for months previous because, quite frankly, I was feeling less than inspired to ever really play again. I was tired of the piano, or should I say weary, probably a better word.  I loved the piano and I hated the piano. But that's how I was feeling toward's everything at the time.  I first heard it when a friend had given me a CD with the song tucked neatly towards the end. The CD was a lullaby compilation meant as an expression of congratulations for my first pregnancy.

I had just come home from the hospital after delivering my firstborn son, Noah Gabriel Vaughn. Noah only lived for 51 minutes, peacefully passing away in my arms among my and my husband's extended family and a few close friends. We knew he wasn't going to make it.  The mere fact he lived for 51 minutes defied all medical predictions regarding any hope for his future. I for one, believe in miracles. His little life was nothing short of a gift; a miracle to me. While I knew his death would bring about intense pain (I was no stranger to grief) I also knew even then that much good would come from his short life.

"In the Bleak Midwinter" is the song that helped me and sustained me through my grief and loss. The frosty winds that only death can bring were chilling me to the bone.  I knew if I didn't turn toward love and light and wisdom soon, my heart would turn cold as iron.  So I surrendered. I surrendered the only thing I could give to Him.  My heart.

"In the Bleak Midwinter" embodies the essence of what Christmas is all about to me.  Noah's 10 year birthday is today.  These ten years later, the recording of that song, the album Noel, and the growth that's taken place since his passing, are fruits I'm just now beginning to harvest.  Some fruits are bitter.   Some fruits are sweet.   Some fruits are both.   Either way, I wouldn't trade what I've learned.   I hope you enjoy the song.   It's near and dear to my heart.